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Printer-Friendly ModeCoffee the 'best part of waking up'
January 31, 2005 —
Coffee, coffee, and even more coffee. It appears that in every class I have been able to get up for so far this semester, I have seen this recurring trend. Coffee cups galore.
Does everyone drink this stuff? It seems like every other desk has a cup. Which led me to ask, "What special attributes does a cup of java hold?" and "Is this just a trend, much like past ones involving MC Hammer's colorful pants or believing Keanu Reeves is a fantastic actor?" It must be something, since it seems like nearly half of the population at SVSU is holding on to a Styrofoam, plastic, paper, and even metallic insulated cup keeping their sweet-sweet black liquid delight readily available.
So I went to the source, you the students, asking you guys, "What's with the coffee, do you think you're cool because you're drinking it?"
Here's what you had to say: "I need it to wake up;" "To wake up;" "It helps me wake up for this morning class;" and finally, "Quit stalking me, you creep!" Anyway, after interviewing my 636th person, I saw similar tendencies of it helping to wake you up.
But it doesn't just stop here at SVSU, as everyone is looking to jump onto the coffee drinker bandwagon. Supermarkets offer only the finest ground beans, and even old Ronald and the gang are trying to make a mark in the multi-billion dollar enterprise, as McDonald's will slowly start to offer different types of gourmet coffee in its fast food chains in the near future. I can see it now, a dude pounding down a Big Mac and washing it down with a cappuccino. It's not supposed to be like that. It's not right if gourmet coffee is synonymous with fast food.
Say what you want, but I'm blaming this trend on Starbucks and their $14 Grande sized (medium) coffees. Since coming on the scene in the spring of 1971, they made it hip to drink coffee house style coffees.
But less we forget about the originals, the Maxwell Houses and Folgers and their unforgettable little jingles, "The best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cup," and "Good 'til the last drop." As I look at these two wizardly ad campaigns, the first thing that comes to mind is, "What?"
What sort of point are they trying to sell to us, the American consumer? Let's break the first one down. Apparently, what Folgers is trying to say is, our product is needed as soon as you wake up. Maxwell House, on the other hand, is a little harder to break down, but after careful observation, I came up with this conclusion. What they're trying to say is once your done, you will then lick the bottom of the cup and all around the edges in such a frantic pace you will appear to be a contestant on Fear Factor, competing for $50,000.
Certainly, there must be side effects to it, right? Besides, of course, the urban myths of it stunting your growth and making you grow a third arm from your head. So while researching this hot topic, I came across a wonderful list of the side effects, including rapid and irregular heartbeat, high blood sugar levels, urine acid, tremors, sleep disorders, and convulsions possibly leading to death.
So the next time you find yourself inside a coffee shop looking to order a large cup of convulsion juice, remember to not do it just for Hammer Time, or because you know kung fu. I realize I am not any better than you; I too have indulged in maybe one, two, or 1,000 cups of coffee.
But what can I say? I need it to wake up.