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Printer-Friendly ModeMen disrespectful to women in bars
March 21, 2005 —
There is a man that comes into the bar, buys a beer, and hits on every woman in the place. He prefers the younger college girls that happen by, but if and when that fails, he moves on up the ladder to women more his age, about 38. He lies about his profession and brags about his shoe size. He is quite a charming fellow and almost every night there is a woman that falls for his tricks.
As of late, working in the bar has really killed my hope for humanity. On top of slowly killing ourselves while we all drink and smoke, there is the respect for one another that has disappeared.
There are so many men that come to the bar and put on a revolting display of "dogging women." They grab them and touch them and tell them dirty jokes. They talk about their body parts and are grotesquely open with what they actually want.
I especially feel bad for the waitresses who put up with the pat on the toosh or the pinch in the side. Or there is the scene on the dance floor with a group of women dancing and a man grabs one of them from behind and starts "booty" dancing without her permission.
As a guy it embarrasses me that our side of the species acts likes this. Is this what we have evolved to?
Our two ideas of how to conquer a woman go something like this: 1. Hit her on head with club and take her home or 2. See examples just mentioned.
What happened to respect? Guys, is there no other way? How about talking? Introducing ourselves?
I know, I know, nice guys finish last. This is true. We have tried this maneuver of being the nice respectful guy but through our research in our male labs we find that it is easier to meet and "conquer" women through objectifying them. Perhaps women like it. We get more social responses from this procedure.
They laugh at these primitive antics of sexually objectification and smile at the pat on the backside. There are no slaps or arguments, just a "tee hee" and a "ha ha" or maybe a "what's your number?" There are so many women who degrade themselves it sets a bad example. Ladies, stripping (not referring to a strip club) in a bar is not classy! Neither is showing the thong underwear in the back, especially if you are above 35. This is just one example, but there are so many women that put up with this behavior or, worse, actually like and therefore advocate it.
It is hard for me to write from or about a woman's point of view, but from the actions I have seen in the bar, for all practical purposes anyone would say that that kind of behavior is alright. I can understand that the attention is nice, but it sets a bad example of what women stand for. Don't women demand respect from us? If you want that respect you have to respect yourselves. If it gets past the first joke the man will just push the limits until you are either utterly disgusted or completely charmed by him. What happened to slapping a guy and putting him in his place if you don't like what he says to you or how he grabs you? Yes, the attention feels nice, but let me let you in on a little secret: we do not want to marry any woman who falls for any of the "one night stand" tricks. For that matter, we also don't want to marry any woman who lifts up their short skirts, shows her bra, thong, parts of her body, etc. in a bar.
There are so many women that do not stand up for themselves that it makes every man think it is okay to grind on whoever. Some might say that it is easy to see which women are "like that." No ladies, it is easy for a man to see which woman is "loose" and which one is not. We are blind to those factors, although to a woman it might be painfully obvious. On the other hand, a man knows when another man is hitting on a woman even though it might be quite hidden to the woman.
The messages are inconsistent and between the booze and trying to think intelligently, we all get confused. Men are confused on how to act and if they get positive responses (laughing, placating, phone number) the actions will continue. And maybe that is okay; what do I know? I just think that guys should be a bit more respectful to women, but how can I ask for that if the women aren't requesting it?