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Printer-Friendly ModeSenior citizens show they can behave badly as well
October 31, 2005 —
You will receive little argument from me if you say America's youth is in trouble. Kids barely old enough to tie their shoes are starting to commit crimes and if nothing changes, society will be in for a serious wake up call in the next 10 to 15 years. But while our attention is occupied on the teenagers and kiddies, another group of people is growing disturbingly vicious right under our noses: senior citizens.
Now before high-powered lawyers from the AARP come pounding on my door, let me explain. Not all senior citizens are bad, just like not all kids and teenagers are. But an alarming number are more miserable and cranky than ever and need to learn to treat others like they wish to be treated.
I came to my brilliant conclusion over lunch at Culver's this past week. I rolled into the parking lot around 11 a.m. to find an alarming number of cars just a half hour after the restaurant had opened.
Had I been more astute, I'm sure I would have noticed the majority of cars were oversized Buicks with their owner's welding goggles/sunglasses sitting on the seat.
Inside, the restaurant was total chaos. Thousands of old ladies floated around the counter, ducking and weaving in and out of line like large, wrinkled birds trying to avoid power lines. I strafed to the nearest thing that resembled the beginning of a line.
As I decided on which artery-clogging butter burger to ingest, a small, gray-haired woman with a purse like a 50-gallon garbage bag came in and squeezed into line two people ahead of me. I was appalled by her behavior, knowing full well that had I done something similar, she probably would have slammed that monstrous purse into my skull. Scanning the restaurant for a manager, I contemplated whether to tattle on her like a three-year-old girl before realizing that she had already blended into the crowd. At this point, picking her out would have been like trying to find Waldo on the page that has like 700 Waldo look-alikes.
My thoughts of Waldo were obliterated when someone shouted to my left.
"Make sure you tell her you want a senior discount before you order, 'cause she won't give it to you after!"
The woman was furious. She had not told the cashier she wanted the senior discount, setting off an epic battle when the price was higher than she expected. Now, in the middle of Culver's, she was warning her friends and yelling at the top of her lungs like a union leader on a picket line.
"Hell no we won't go!"
I finally made it to the front of the line and ordered my food. When the cashier told me my price, I jokingly asked, "Is that with or without my senior discount?"
She looked like she was going to cry. Then, far too loudly, she complained how the old woman had not said anything about the discount ahead of time. Despite their stereotypical bad hearing, I could feel their attention shift to the cashier now openly complaining about their friend. Their eyes were locked in on her, waiting for me to leave so they could attack. It felt like the scene from Dawn of the Dead where the zombies close in on the guy. I could almost hear her screaming, "Shoot me!" as I walked away.
My order number in hand, I sat down and waited for my food. By then, the old women had collected almost every free standing table and pushed them together in the middle of the restaurant to make one large feeding trough. Their noisy chatter ensued as they shared over 1,000 years of combined life experiences.
Within five minutes, the women were out of control. They were cackling so loud I could barely choke down my Double Bacon Burger Deluxe. Again, I wondered what would happen if 200 of my friends and I sat down in the middle of their lunch and started making noise. We would have been pelted with BINGO chips.
As I left the restaurant and walked out to my car, I realized a double standard exists when it comes to people. In a college town where citizens are complaining about wild kids, 70-year-old women are cutting in line, shouting at Culver's employees and ruining the lives of perfectly tame people like me. Next time one of them acts like that, I won't have a problem telling them to go fly a kite.
But I will suggest they ask for the senior discount ahead of time before buying it.