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Printer-Friendly ModeTV record gets Extreme Makeover
September 19, 2005 —
I'm getting sick of all our country's commercialism. It seems every major sports stadium in the country is named after a billion-dollar company, businesses are sponsoring every event they can get their hands on. It's despicable and wrong.
Did anyone hear the story of Suresh Joachim, the man who just broke the record for the longest time watching TV? As part of Regis & Kelly's record breaking week, he sat in a room for almost 70 hours and couldn't watch anything but ABC because they funded his little escapade.
And though nothing angers me more than commercialism and hearing about such sellouts, I am a dedicated reporter and strive to report the truth in every story. So, to fulfill my professional obligations, I give you the complete, un-biased story on the man who watched more wonderful, dramatic, humorous, family friendly consecutive hours of television than any person ever before him:
According to Jim, Suresh Joachim emerged from his tiny enclosure Friday after an exhausting record-breaking session that left him looking Lost and Less than Perfect. The Bachelor from Sri Lanka had just shattered the Guinness World Record for the longest time spent watching television by logging 69 hours and 48 minutes in front of a TV. The previous record was 50 hours and seven minutes, set in 1993.
"I had a lot of Hope & Faith," Joachim said, just minutes before being taken to General Hospital as a precautionary measure. Paramedics on the scene feared for Joachim's health when informed the former record holder, Peter Grey, suffered from serious medical problems hours after setting the record 12 years ago. Doctors reported that Grey's Anatomy had developed a type of bed sore after remaining stationary for so long.
"Mr. Joachim only has One Life to Live," said Dr. George Lopez, Commander In Chief at General Hospital. "We're going to make sure we give him the best medical care available."
After examining him, Lopez reported Joachim was in good health and that, despite the television exposure, still had 20/20 vision.
Joachim broke the record as part of "Guinness World Record Breaker Week" on Live with Regis & Kelly. Joachim was set up in a small room on the streets of Manhattan where fans could look in and monitor Joachim's progress. The window was on Broadway and looked out into the New York skyline.
"The View was magnificent," Joachim said.
Joachim's mother, Senja, embraced her son immediately following his record breaking triumph.
"All My Children are wonderful," she said. "Suresh is no exception."
Joachim did have some rules he had to adhere to while attempting the record. He was allowed a five-minute break every hour and a 15-minute break every eight hours.
"Last night was tough. I drank a lot of lemonade and had to pee so bad I was Dancing with the Stars," Joachim said. "By 9:30, it was a Primetime for a bathroom break."
Philbin and Ripa interviewed Joachim from his couch the moment he set the record.
"Good Morning America," he said to the television cameras, "I'm glad I could be your official couch potato."
Joachim did not seem overjoyed when cameras and reporters rushed towards him after he left the room. Not one for the limelight, he said he would probably get an Extreme Makeover, settle on an Alias and leave the country.
Joachim is no stranger to holding records, despite his reluctance for the spotlight. In addition to his newly acquired feat, Joachim also holds the record for longest duration balancing on one foot (76 hours, 40 minutes) and bowling for 100 hours.
When asked how he manages to hold multiple world records, Joachim shrugged his shoulders.
"I guess this kind of stuff comes naturally to me," he said. "It's as easy as ABC."