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April 25, 2005 —
Spring brings showers, flowers, and that much-missed warm weather. Sadly, it also brings a lackadaisical attitude from most college students, me included.
The last couple of weeks have been tormented ones. Let me explain: the weather has been so nice that all I want to do is go outside, whether it's to play basketball, work on my car, or play hopscotch with the neighborhood kids.
Unfortunately, for some strange reason, towards the end of the semester professors require so much more work that it often feels as though they assigned these projects weeks or even months ago and expect us to work on them for an extended period of time, instead of waiting until the last minute.
It's crazy, but I miss the good old days, when gluing Cheerios to a piece of paper in the shape of a turkey was considered a final project. Now you can't get by unless you have appendixes, works cited pages, case studies, and a lock of hair from the "I can't believe it's not butter" guy.
So last week, I was in quite a dilemma. I could either straighten up and do my homework or forget about it and run around a strategically placed sprinkler with my buddies. I decided on the latter, and am now regretting it. Not only because I have so much more work to do, but because no matter how saturated you make concrete, in no way can it be converted into a Slip 'n' Slide.
I haven't slept in what feels like months and in a desperate plea to stay awake and focused in my classes, I have resorted to drinking around 25 cups of coffee a day (refer to the Valley Vanguard issue from Jan. 31 for inside joke to last statement).
Daylight savings time must also be strapped to a chair and given a lethal injection. I know that sounds harsh and that the concept is for the little kiddies in the morning so they don't get hit by school busses or my drunk Uncle Bill coming home from the bar, but I hate it. All winter I get into a groove of beginning my homework when it starts to get dark outside. Well since we had to move the clocks forward an hour, it doesn't get dark out until around 9:00 P.M.
I realize that all of this sounds like excuses from a lazy procrastinator (which it is), but hear me out. I am not the only one complaining. Scientists are even doing studies to show the pointlessness of daylight saving time.
Let me reiterate: scientists are smart individuals, so all I have to say is ha-ha, because if scientists have my back then others should follow.
An example I heard recently on the news was that by abolishing daylight savings time, scientists have estimated that it could save the United States billions in oil usage per year. Currently, the U.S. uses around 20 to 25 million barrels of oil a day. But eliminating daylight savings time could save over 100,000 barrels a day. Another energy saving technique that could save as much oil is shutting off the sink while brushing your teeth (you know who you are).
But back to the topic at hand. My attitude the last couple of weeks rivals that of Californians or those on unemployment - I just don't seem to care about anything. When I do care, it's about ridiculous things. Like the time I was sitting in my East Asian Civilization class convincing myself I could be a rapper for about 45 minutes. I believe what I have is commonly referred to as Spring Fever.
Some symptoms of this fever include having delusional episodes, thinking about strange things, pushing away from everything you once thought was important (like school, a significant other, and work) so you can focus on doing immature stupid things (like car surfing, tornado hunting, and picking fights with black bears), constant sweating, rectal discharge, shortness of breath, and the possibility of going blind. It's as though you are in some type of prescription drug ad or something.
The only cure for the fever is time. Eventually the novelty of spring and summer wears off. It happens somewhere around the time that it's 120 degrees outside and all you can do is lie in a puddle of your own sweat.
But until that time, my only advice to you is to enjoy the great outdoors. Put off the homework until about 10 at night, because who needs sleep for a couple months anyway. Now if you'll excuse me, "I'll take a double shot espresso, please."