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Printer-Friendly Mode‘Greener grass’ syndrome can complicate relationships
September 14, 2009 —
A good friend once told me that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. He was referring to relationships. What he meant was that sometimes having someone you like, trust and get along with is better than any number of interesting prospects you might have. I told him “that would depend on your outlook on life.”
I think there are two kinds of thoughts about relationships: the hopeless romantics who believe they will find eternal happiness just around the corner and the realists who are suspect of anything that seems too good to be true.
So which kind of person are you? If every time you meet someone who is interested in you, you think “this could be it,” and this person might be your ultimate match, you are a hopeless romantic. You’re a person who tends to jump at the chance of finding something new and better every time.
If you meet new people but recognize their flaws and tend to want to work on your current relationship rather then look for better things, then you are more of a realist and would agree with my friend.
It would seem, as I talk with my girlfriends, that many people are dissatisfied with their current relationship and hope to find someone more compatible, more attractive, smarter or funnier. Many freshmen are probably contemplating leaving a high school sweetheart, thinking maybe they have out grown the relationship. Many more of you are thinking about dating a new crush and leaving your old partner behind.
This reoccurring feeling that there must be someone else out there who is a better match for you also is referred to as “greener grass” syndrome. It’s understandable because the fantasy and excitement that is present at the start of any friendly encounter always is going to seem better than what you already have.
As you look around at your options, all you see is green. It might be lust or maybe it’s desperation, but when you finally make that change in your life, it doesn’t take long before you realize that this person has faults too. Things that rub you the wrong way are suddenly very big and you are back where you started, except it’s with different person.
There always is someone out there who is going to seem better and create doubt of your current relationship. There always is the one friend that might make you want to give it all up just to find out if this is your one true love, the one you’re supposed to be with.
I am sorry to say that eventually these people find that this new person is not perfect at all and has all new flaws and habits that one must accept or attempt to change.
A more realistic view of relationships, one that my friend would subscribe to, is that sometimes relationships are tough and they go through ups and downs. If you’re never willing to stick it out, you might lose out on someone who really cares. It’s hard work to adapt to your significant other and be adapted to.
When experiencing a crisis of thought, I find it hard to tell whether to trust personal judgment when it comes to decisions of the heart. It’s true that love is blind, love is messy and it is not always easy. So what is the right thing to do in such cases?
I think it’s a matter of deciding what you are willing to live without. If this new opportunity didn’t work out, would you be better or worse? Is this new person willing to offer you the same things as the current relationship? These are questions to ask yourself. Sometimes it’s best to take the new person out of the equation all together and decide just how happy you really are at present.
Although you can never know what consequences may result from the decision to move onto greener pastures, the best thing you can do is to weigh the cost of your decision with the benefits. Making good decisions requires striking a careful balance between your head and your heart.